o that!

A long time ago like seven or eight years back I recalled a guy told me: “Cant we just become partner without any so called status and or legal commitment or whatsoever? So we don’t need to live together, we don’t need to be committed to each other, you can do your thing, I can do mine, … you have your own life, I have mine and then we can meet sometimes, I come to your place, you cook for me and we watch TV , well not actually seeing the TV though. Then next weekend, or other sometimes you can come to visit my place and do the same thing; I will cook “kangkung” for you.”
Haha … I did not agree about the concept, so I moved on my life and so did he – not exactly the reason – haha*
Now after seven or eight years, I think, the concept nails down through my head. I would love to be in that kind of simple yet intricate idea now. I am kind of thinking how naïve I was and stupid since I told him that; “what a mind’s eye! It is not me though”.
Now I consent him, I mean his idea, his concept.
It is genius! You have someone to watch movie with, to cook meals sometimes, and to have dinner with.
That nails my mind now.

? ?

Little did you know how crazy this sense. Could it be possibly wreck someday or even now it has done very well I know nothing more about the sparkle.
I fell, got up and again… went down.
It took me 20 minutes, or even hours to see the screen before I started writing. Well, maybe it was days I don’t write. I don’t know,
I don’t count.
I don’t write… what the hell was I doing ???.
I’m a bit concerned to myself. I am normal and I don’t want anything too much or less. I want everything or nothing, I can’t tell. See! I am really worried now about myself.
I drive myself crazy…. I ate enough, I drank beer sometimes, I went to the beach too, I wanted a puppy months ago. I desperately need something I cannot describe since it is concretely abstract!
I had some good times … I avoided bad times, I cried sometimes and I laughed out loud … a lot.
I hate corruptors yet … I just don’t care. I would love to write down something, I would love to tell good stories with every excitement involved. Until now, I don’t have time.
I think a lot … but I don’t want anything. I think I don’t want anything.
No good…

Patterned

I’ll call you…

Ok.

1hr… 2hrs… 10 hrs… 15 hrs…

no ring, it just…rings a bell!

ambiguous

it is. something between the line of the contrary. the anger that leaves off madness.
well …
I cannot tell how it is dripping, believe me it does not stop.
alright.

*sigh

I’m truly vexed…
going through the same bridge and wrecked it the same way.
it is away irrational for me to comprehend. even eyes told me so. it makes no sense.
the throat keeps saving all those sores

getaway…little while…
need THAT !
im. serious.

that page.

The page that I looked made me got choked.

I cant, for sure, but i will. the hatred covers me so close.

just get out ! please, from my life?!

 

 

s.o.un.d

simply waiting the ring…

monday turns to tuesday and on.

dont want to count

tuesday, and then another sunday…

simply that.

. all that in minds.in that each day.

have to go… it doesn’t ring. from you… i guess something goodbye is implicitly the sign.

desperately calm now.

it is time

To gain slight knowledge of u was just hard. Tried to mingle, but failed. The fall can’t even make me stand for what I believed anymore. Why am I standing for this. No idea!

It is like catching the chance, while it keeps running and just blurred all the virtual imaginations. Not just the imagination but hope. And the rhyme just took me back to the knowing of guilty that has laid like a rotten root but it just keeps growing spreading the hilarious bitter smells. I believe in forgiveness, but I don’t live it while I need it.

How it tortured and ripped the soul got that so stiff and numb. It can’t even move, blinded by the sorrow mixed with the guilt shaping the hatred. Self-hatred.

Finally… it is time.

Let go…

 

 

toomuch, pa..

I know it is too much. But I barely know how much it is.

The compromised harmony and the complicated adjust that you carry day in day out.

The laughter and the impractical jokes you grant.

The look and the smiles you have formed that is so striking to me (still).

You are the one who still make me believe.

You are the one who never stop trying hard to give choices and let me.

I am sorry for letting you down so many times until it is too much and you still give me a shot.

I am not your number one because you have a lot.

Just try to stop catching me when I fall, I am a big girl now.

And I am sorry if I sometimes abruptly ask you to. I happen not always a big girl to you.

Thank you for not see me crying but somehow you just know.

 

I love you yet I’m sorry

I can’t compete with how much you do to me. Just too much, I know.

 

 

It is 2011

Happy new year !

It might be another possibility to live with and on. Keeping all the the leftovers waiting to be wasted.

Another year again passed by and still I have nothing to tell to myself at least. I am not that desperate, but I am really really that sad.

To be thankful for the past year could be hard. But still I am thankful. I am trying to figure out what are the beneath skies laughing at . I am still unable to laugh until now…

make me smile, me! i hope

still hope.